The Birds…It’s Happening.


I don’t want to frighten you, but the thing we all were afraid of after reading and watching Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, is happening. Everyone take cover and protect your loved ones.

The real story? Fine. Here it goes: I came home from a ten hour work day and was outside and about to get ready for my run when my next door neighbors pulled in the driveway. They were back from their week long vacation to Disney World. Lucky ducks. So I greeted them and welcomed them home, as you do. They showed me all their souvenirs and they gave me a Daisy Duck pin and we walked back down the driveway to part ways. But it couldn’t be that easy. I couldn’t make it home unscathed, because that would be just crazy. Suddenly I felt a raindrop plop on my head, or what I thought was a raindrop, I patted my head expecting to see water but I didn’t. It was a disgusting pile of bird poop ON MY HEAD! Thank goodness I was with my neighbors because If I was by myself I would have freaked out to the extreme, as this is one of my fears. Instead I screamed and screamed and ran in the house. I took a shower and washed my hair three times in complete panic. That   dumb bird owes me half a bottle of shampoo. I’m traumatized. Let me give you a little background information on my fear of birds dropping poop bombs whenever they darn well please.

When I was eight years old my family and I went to Washington D.C. and in between touring the many amazing sites of D.C., we sat down for a break. I sat on one side of my dad, and my younger brother sat on the other side of him. And out of no where a bomb of bird poop lands in between my brother and dad and splatters them both. It was disgusting and I sat there horrified and also relieved that it didn’t land on the other side of my dad and hit me. Since then, I always duck and run when I spot a bird flying above me to avoid the exact situation that happened yesterday on the driveway. It didn’t help that in ninth grade my English teacher insisted we read and watch Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds and witness birds attacking people, an even worse situation than poop bombs.

So in the end, I’m still traumatized and continue to be paranoid as I venture outside to face the big bad birds. Please help me.


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